beauty for ashes

looking back at this past quarter, i have felt some very strong emotions. not to be dramatic...but I feel like it's been the most challenging 'season' of my life yet!

deep grief. loss. apathy. bitterness. replaced. withdrawn. selfishness.
heavy heart. shame. jealousy. hurt. sin. insecurity.

from a dear family member committing suicide, to divorce, to being hurt by people, not to mention the flesh/spirit battle faced on a daily basis..it's just been a little tough.

but all throughout these dark times, when I would be at my lowest points, Father would shine a light in my soul and rejuvenate me once again.
through His word. music. books. friends. stars. prayer. sunshine. provision. emails. blogs.
Constantly reminding me of His faithfulness. Constantly pursuing me despite my neglect.

Through all these things, I can see a refining process going on within my soul.
I really wanted to give up at times, but God wouldn't let me give up.

I know this is really vague. I wish I could put into words all that the Lord has done within my heart. He is so good!

thanks to my dear friends who have:
held my hand and sang for me when I could not sing.
prayed for me when I could not pray.
loved me. encouraged me. called me out.
listened to my rambling nonsense.
talked me out of quitting.
been here for me and helped carry the burden.
and reminded me of who I am when I seem to forget.

beauty for ashes

by shane barnard and kendall combes

beauty for ashes
a garment of praise for my heaviness
beauty for ashes
take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours

i delight myself in the Richest of Fare
trading all that i've had for all that is better
a garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste
You're the richest of fair

(Psalm 63, Isaiah 61)

beautiful things

I've wanted to start blogging for a while now, just haven't.
I mean, even if no one reads it, I think blogging has a sense of accountability to it.
So, yes. Gonna give this blogging thing a shot!

currently:
working the 5am shift at lambright.
listening to Gungor 'beautiful things'
reading Blue like Jazz.
drinking a little coffee.

I'm at a point in my life where I realize if I'm not serving Christ, my life has no purpose. no point. I feel God calling me up higher.."leave this world behind". Yet there's a battle with my flesh to live this mediocre, apathetic, self-centered life. Because, frankly, that's a lot easier than to care about things that really matter.
And life is just too short to not care.

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us."