Motivation

A few weeks ago our team gathered together for a week of prayer and worship. We set up a prayer closet and took 2 hour shifts throughout the day. 

We are in a transition period and we wanted to seek out The Lord in what He is leading us to do next. I think we all expected audible answers of "the game plan".

Tuesday November 26, 2013 

Today I was praying for God to give me a vision, a dream, a passion...just something, anything to motivate me. Something to make me feel alive and want to get out of bed in the morning...then I felt it in my spirit..I had it all wrong. I was asking the source of life itself to give me an idol.

That moment in the prayer room has been life changing for me. 

It broke me. 

What a slap in the face it must have been to God. Me asking him to give me a reason to enjoy life, when daily he beckons us, "enjoy me". 

Last year during my 3 months in Karamoja, I had plenty on my agenda to keep me busy and give me fulfillment and purpose. 

In the morning, I would bring my dear akimat friend, whom I called TaTaa (grandmother), some porridge and milk as her neighbors and even own family neglected her due to her sickness. 

During the day I would treat wounds of all sorts that came into our gate. 

In the afternoon I would set out with my friend and translator Wari. We would find the shade of a tree and share stories from the bible with anyone who was willing to listen. 

This time around, it's as if God has stripped me of all I found my "purpose" in. 

TaTaa died.

The health center is now treating wounds.  

And Wari is now starting churches ad making disciples of his own.

I'm not saying anything negative about those things I was doing before, or even about the motives of my heart while doing them. I'm just saying God has brought me to a different place in life, a new season...

A season of sitting at his feet, enjoying Him.

Because if the reason you wake up and get out of bed and make your morning cup of coffee and go brush your teeth and sometimes your hair, and put on your suit and tie or make-up, and go to school or work or stay home and teach your children...if the motivation for any of that is out of anything other than your desire to know and love Jesus...then you, like me, have it all wrong. 

Psalm 27:8 

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"

Your face, Lord, I will seek. 

What is your motivation to get out of bed in the morning? 

Do you live to know Him? 

To sit at His feet? 

To enjoy Him? 

Let us press on to know Him. It's all that matters in this life, to know and enjoy our maker. 

Out in the Open

Hallelujah grace like rain falls down on me

Hallelujah all my stains are washed away

The Williams family (www.williamsinthewilderness.com) and I sang together as Kenneth led us in worship. 

He stopped in the middle of the song and said, "Imagine yourself standing in a field with the rain of Karamoja falling on your face. You're not hiding under the shade of the tree, you're out in the middle, out in the open. The hard rain of Karamoja beating down on you, like the grace of God, washing your stains away". 

He's right. The rains of Karamoja come hard and strong, beating down everything in it's path.

But what caught my attention the most was the idea of being out in the open, fully exposed to the grace of God.

In Celebration of Discipline, Foster states, concerning living in the spirit, "There is no longer the tiring need to hide our inner selves from others." 

Isn't that the truth? Sometimes it's just exhausting trying to hide the sinful thoughts and motives of our hearts. 

But this is truly the way I wish to live, not having anything within my inner life to hide away. 

Not under the tree, missing out on the weight of the rain. 

Not under the tree, hiding in my shame. 

But out in the open. 

Dancing in the forgiveness and grace of Christ. 

Yes, it leaves us vulnerable. Maybe the hard rains of grace are sometimes even uncomfortable, stripping away things in us that are painful, like our selfishness and pride. 

But isn't this the grand plan? Didn't Christ die for our sins to be washed away so we could be made right with God, and walk freely out in the open with him?

There, my friends, is where we are called to be. 

There, out in the open, is where we will truly find life, and find it even more abundantly. 

Take a Look

I knew what the Lord had been speaking to me as I asked him for something specific I should do here in Kacheri. He said to go pray for the sick. Simple.

I was walking to a village nearby when I saw my shepherd friend, Lokong. (He sells us fresh cow's milk each morning that we pasteurize ourselves.) 

I spoke the words I had just learned and rehearsed. "Ayei itwon ediaka? Achamit ayong nga kalipa kin."

Is there anyone sick? I want to pray for them. 

He said yes and began leading me through the field.  He told me there was a woman who had lost her baby that morning. He said, "she is wanting to hang herself with the rope." I said, "you must take me to see this woman." 

As we entered the family's manyata,  she was sitting in the shade of her hut. Beside her, the ground was freshly stained. 

Not from tears, but from milk. 

She was draining her milk, the  one substance God had given her to provide for her baby. It had failed her. I wondered if she felt as if God had failed her also, or if she even knew who God was and that He cares for her. 

I knelt down beside her, and held her hand. And I prayed. I prayed for God to give this woman peace of mind and to come and comfort her. I prayed for that family to come to know Him. 

When we were leaving, I saw the fresh dirt from where the baby had been buried. 

"There's people hurting all around us. Ain't it a shame, we're too busy to see them, too busy playing games."

I bet if you look around at the people you're with right now, people in the store, or your class, your work, your church...I bet if you really looked at them, they may not be crying, but I bet some are hurting. They're all around us, just take a look. 

Learning to Love

Donald Miller says in his book Blue Like Jazz, "Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."

This has stirred me to think of how others have taught me to love.

So here's just a few jotted thoughts of what this has looked like in my life. 

My Gramma Gloria gave me a love for writing letters. We were the best of pen-pals! 

Hearing Chip Dickey preach gave me such a love for the Torah. He can make the Old T come to life like no other. 

I'll accredit my love for strawberry slushes with extra strawberries to Devin, back in our ole HS days. 

My dad showed me a love for the great outdoors, camping and fishing. I'm so thankful our vacations were to lakes and rivers, rather than concrete jungles. 

My mom showed me a love for baking and gardening. She also taught me, by example, how to see people that others just pass by and how much a hug can mean. 

Teresa Sauce showed me how to love and serve God in such a beautiful way. 

Watching Stephanie Dugard showed me a simple love for people, regardless of their past or their skin color. She looks everyone in the eye and judges no one. We also share a love for peanut butter and Junie B. Jones. 

Cheryl Read shared her love for Ghana with me. That was a life changer. 

Living with Mike Peppers definitely gave me a love for coffee and 'Gunsmoke'. His wife Karen showed me how to love the homeless with discernment and passion. 

Kenneth and Kristi Williams, who I live with now in Uganda, have showed me to love life in a way I never have before. That following hard after God is the most important thing you can do in life. 

Nikki shared her love for hammocking and Josh Garrels with me in Ghana 2 summers ago. 

Uncle Ed-Jimmy Buffet and the beach 

Caleb Read-Donald Miller, climbing buildings and living without a door. 

Jake Dugard-Jon Mark McMillan and rope swings 

Katy James-creek baths, summer camp, heard life, PD

Liz Hunt-graveyards and Third Eye Blind

Carly Hill- Sweet Home Alabama at 3am 

The list could go on and on. Somewhere along the way I also discovered a love for the mountains, hiking, audio books, country music, Nutella and chacos. 

I think some things we love naturally and some we have to learn and grow to love. 

The most important things I have learned from others are how to love God, how to love others, and how to love myself. 

And I hope people are learning those things from my life as well. 

"That's the only thing that matters in life, the only thing. Fall in love with as many things as possible."

-Kelly Canter in Country Strong 

One More

Kenneth says the curse of living in Uganda is that you get used to things that people back home don't see as normal. 

I've been back in Karamoja for about 2 weeks now. It's been so good to be back to the place I feel like I left such a huge piece of my heart. But at the same time, I once again feel overwhelmed by the needs and the hardships faced by the people. 

If you've read my blog before, or receive my email updates, you've heard of sweet Nacuk. She is the granddaughter of TaTaa, who has passed since I was here last time. Her mother is know for drinking and fighting. When I first saw Nacuk since returning, she was filthy, stomach was swollen from malnutrition...that night I cried myself to sleep thinking of her, asking God what I could do to help. She started showing up at our house everyday, so I've been playing with her and feeding her. We also put her in school! 

Then there is TaTaa's sister and her granddaughter, Lokwi. They live together. The sister is a blind old lady and Lokwi is handicapped. When I went to visit them, the blind old lady was building a fire to cook green weeds she had gathered. A blind lady building a fire, yes. And Lokwi was laying on the ground wearing the exact same clothes I gave her a year ago. A YEAR AGO. Except now they were more like rags. 

Yesterday 2 people died by lightning. One was a mother of a three month old baby girl. This morning her husband came to our gate. We sponsor babies that mothers have died in childbirth, giving them formula, a bottle, soap and clothes. The Moses Project. So we registered that baby into our program. 

We just dropped a baby and his grandmother off at the hospital for severe malnutrition and pneumonia. His mother had left him for prostitution. 

Even now, my friend Adoc is laying on the floor, sick with malaria. 

These are the kind of everyday happenings that begin to seem "normal". 

So what can I do? All I know is to live each and every day, each and every moment, as intentionally as I can. To look people in the eye, to take opportunities to pray with people, to treat one more wound...one more. If just one more person is shown the love of Christ, that's what it's all about! That's all I can do. 

And despite it all, I love this hard, beautiful life. 

A Lesson from Becky

Today I went to the Baby's Home here in Seguku with my friend Elise. Here I met Becky.
Becky is an orphan. Age 4.
Becky bit Peter on the arm.
Elise tells Becky to go stand by the office door. That is when they really know they are in trouble.
After discipline, the children are to pray.
Becky asks Elise, "I need to pray for my heart?".
Elise says, "Yes, you need to pray for your heart".

So here I am, on the porch of a beautiful home, on top of a mountain overlooking the large city of Kampala, asking myself, "I need to pray for my heart?".

Jesus says, "Yes, you need to pray for your heart".

1 John 3:20 says sometimes our hearts condemn us. God has reminded me today of how He is greater than my heart, and He knows everything. He has seen it all, the full extent of my evil. Yet, He does not condemn me. But I am the one who condemns myself. Jesus knows the fear and doubt in my heart. He know that I tried to run from Him, more specifically tried to run from His call to come back to Uganda. So today He says, "Pray for your heart Camille, and quit condemning yourself while your at it". :)

1 John 3:21&22 The Message
And friends, once that's taken care of  and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!

here.

This is my journal entry from the plane ride I wanted to share: "It's finally here. I am on the plane. I look out the window. We are above the clouds. It's incredible. Trying to grasp just exactly what is happening. So basically, I bought a one-way ticket to Uganda. I have been waiting for this moment. Yes, this exact one. Ha. I knew it would come. This moment where it is just me and my thoughts, where I can quiet my mind and actually think. Since August 1st, up until this point, I have been spending each and every moment possible with any and every person that would spend it wilth me. I've been to the Carolinas, Texas, Colorado, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Alexandria, Ruston, Georgetown...driving, laughing, singing, dancing...just enjoying this life and the people in it. It was a beautiful season, but man it was a whirlwind. And I am spent. But now this moment has come. The moment when I finally come to terms with what I've gotten myself into, haha. And let me tell you, I am all in. I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't feel dreadful or afraid. I just feel "here", if you will, in a good way. I'm not wishing I were back home and I'm not wishing I were living some other life. I am just here. Haha. And I just randomly opened my bible, and I read: "Here am I. Send me!" Here am I. Pretty simple, eh? Here am I, looking out this airplane window, hand in hand with my creator.

A couple of people have recently asked me about my blog, (and yes, I literally mean 2 people). So, I gotta keep my fans happy, right? :)

Let's play a little catch-up. 

Since I've Been Home: 
After the holiday season I got a job as a Mental Health Specialist at the Methodist Children's Home in Ruston, Louisiana. Even though it is a 1 1/2 hour commute, I love it! I love my girls, my co-workers. Don't get me wrong though, every shift is a wild ride and this job is NOT for the faint of heart. 

I also got a dog! Beau <3 (Country Strong, anyone?) and then he got stolen! :( But I got him back! Yayyy! I've never loved an animal more. 

Then I got into a really bad wreck and totaled my car! :/ But God had me in his hands that day without a doubt. I walked away with no injuries!! 

In my spare time, which seems like only 20 minutes a week, I LOVE spending time with the girls in my youth group. So maybe a majority of my friends are ages 13-16 but I'm okay with that!

The thing I've struggled most with since being back to the states is the busy way of life. If I'm not accomplishing 452 things in a day I feel unproductive. I ALWAYS feel like I am in a hurry, and I am ALWAYS running late for this or that. I cannot keep up!! Ugh, it's so stressful sometimes! I just wanna kayak and bake cookies from scratch all day, ya know?

Currently: 
I am in Florida at the beach!! With my Aunt Sue, Uncle Ed, cousins, lil sis and bro-in-law! Man, definitely needed this "time-out" from the normal grind. I've gotten to read, lay-out, go for a run, take a bubble bath, blog and sleep! Things I love to do but not so often get to do! 

Coming Up Next:
drumroll please.........I AM GOING BACK TO UGANDA!!! More details to come, but, I leave September 11, and will be going back to live with the Williams family! For a year or forever, I'm not quite sure yet. ;)

A Lesson from TaTaa



 

This is my African Grandmother, TaTaa. She captured my heart from the first time I met her during my time in Karamoja, Uganda.

Not only was TaTaa malnourished, but she was also neglected, forgotton. When she bacame sick, her surrounding family assumed she would die...and so she was basically dead to them. TaTaa can not use her hands to gather or cook food, or even feed herself. She cannot use her legs to walk, even to go to the bathroom. So she crawls through the dirt and mud to the edge of her compound.

But to add to her state, she could no longer bathe herself, dependant on those around her to do this daunting task. We provided clean clothes and soap, yet weeks went by without TaTaa being bathed. She wore the same ragged skirt and shirt day and night, covered in filth and feces.

So one day, I decided it had been long enough and I would do it by myself. So, I walked down the familiar trail to TaTaa's house. I somehow recruited a few of her surrounding granddaughters, and we bathed TaTaa!! It was a windy day. As soon as we would wash off an area, more dust would blow onto her cold, wet skin. It seemed almost pointless, but completely worth it to see the dignity in her eyes that day. I will never forget the sight of the water puddled in the gaps of her malnourished shoulder and neck bones. Or my attempt to wash under her armpit, and my fingers being unable to reach the height between her arms and her body. It was horrific. But she never once complained.

We dried her off and put on her clean clothes. She smiled.

Then there were her dirty clothes. I gathered them up, along with her thin blanket and other dirty clothes and took them to our house, so I could wash them. Hand wash them, that is.

I filled the 2 laundry basins with water. One for washing, rinsing, and then an empty one for the wrung out clothes that were ready to be put on the clothes line.

I began to wash. With the first item, the water had already turned from clean to murky brown. Water splashed on me, I was up to my elbows in the filthy water. A splash here and a splash there, I was covered. Covered in filth and feces. Then I went to empty the wash basin, and the goat laying on the ground, stretched out it's leg, and tripped me! More water went all over my shirt.

All that to say, here's the lesson learned:

Getting involved in the lives of others is messy. Sometimes, you just have to get covered in their mess, in their filth. There are a lot of people hurting around us, ones that it is so much easier just to pass by, pretend we don't see them. But we have to get our hands and our hearts dirty in the lives of others to reach out to them. To be a beakon of light and life into them. To love them. Didn't Jesus come down from heaven to meet us in our filth? To pour his life out so that we may be made clean?

That is what I am trying to do with my life. Pour my life out into others, even when it is the messiest and most uncomfortable of situations. And hope that others will join me in the mess of mine also.